Comments on I Peed On My Kid!: FERBER BACKLASH

The baby turned out all right. She's 3 now and...

2011-12-27T20:53:11.819-08:00

The baby turned out all right. She's 3 now and she's one of the happiest kids I know. As the post points out we didn't let her cry for more than ten minutes without attending to her. Ferber isn't about letting your kid cry through the night. On the contrary, you check on them every few minutes. But in the process you teach them how to self sooth. And there's actually no concrete research that Ferbering a child can harm them. And for every article that "claims" it does, there's two more that "claims" it doesn't. It was a choice I made and I stand by it. I'm not going to judge someone for their parenting techniques. I won't unfriend them if they're still breastfeeding their child when their old enough to grab a carton of milk out of the fridge themselves. Well, maybe I'll privately judge them. :) But I do get upset when someone thinks that my love for my children isn't pure. And you've made me equally upset by saying for feel sorry for my child because that implies that you are judging me as a parent and I think if you read this whole blog, you'll see that I'm a pretty good dad. Sure I've got flaws, sure I mess up, but everything I do for my children is out of love.

I would unfriend you also. Their is so much resear...

2011-12-27T19:13:52.141-08:00

I would unfriend you also. Their is so much research showing the negative effects of the Ferber method. I personally find it disturbing that parents can treat their child without pure love. I'm sorry you lost a friend, but I'm more sorry for your baby.

I do find that most people who hate Dr. Ferber'...

2010-03-30T21:45:33.341-07:00

I do find that most people who hate Dr. Ferber's methods have not read the book nor done the very basic research to find out what it's really all about. Enter visions of babies crying for 36 out of 24 hours, puking in bed on a regular basis, etc.

I wonder if the AAP recommended practice known as "tummy time" would be considered wrong/abusive if it were re-labeled something like "lay it out", with images of leaving babies laying around on the floor until they started crawling. The concepts have many parallels; give a child opportunities to learn a little earlier some skills which will probably eventually come naturally anyway.

I love my son; what I've learned from reading Dr. Ferber's book has certainly improved his life in the 5 days I've been using it, not to mention helping me and my wife be more patient, energetic, and engaged parents!

It isn't for everyone, but it's helpful. We don't throw out penicilin because some people are allergic to it, now do we?

Perhaps "doctor recommended" would work ...

2009-08-14T10:24:03.929-07:00

Perhaps "doctor recommended" would work better than "socially acceptable." Your unfriend is part of society, and Ferberizing is clearly not acceptable to her. Still a crappy way to end a friendship.

For what it's worth, Anonymous, I respect your...

2009-08-11T22:06:33.076-07:00

For what it's worth, Anonymous, I respect your choices regarding co-sleeping, nursing and vaccines. I may not be a fan of some of them, but I respect your decision to raise your son the way you see fit.

As for the more recent "Anonymous," no, just because the Ferber Method may be socially acceptable doesn't necessarily mean it's right for everyone. But for me it was right. But my point in saying it was socially acceptable was merely to illustrate that I wasn't doing something barbaric.

...because if it's "socially acceptable&q...

2009-08-11T16:02:28.832-07:00

...because if it's "socially acceptable" it must be OK...right? Right?

For what its worth, Rick, I disagreed with most of...

2009-08-11T15:27:45.552-07:00

For what its worth, Rick, I disagreed with most of that posting. I co-sleep, am totally against ferberizing, I nursed for 3 years, and gasp, have only selectively vaccinated by son. I didn't defriend you. Just sayin. signed, your FB Friend, still. I will let you try and guess my identity but will be anon for now.

"defriended" is this a new method of adu...

2009-08-11T12:40:41.016-07:00

"defriended" is this a new method of adult abuse? And is that morally wrong? Can I have a cookie now?

2009-08-11T10:21:29.355-07:00

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Interesting indeed.

2009-08-11T08:39:03.182-07:00

Interesting indeed.

She has issues! If she doesn't agree w/ your ...

2009-08-10T13:40:04.766-07:00

She has issues! If she doesn't agree w/ your methods, she could @ least "hide" you on FB. Now she's "defriended" you, knowing that you'll know. I agree with the last posted response-leash or no leash, cry it out or rocking to sleep...to each his/her own, all kids are different.

It honestly never fails to amaze me how up in arms...

2009-08-10T13:32:45.031-07:00

It honestly never fails to amaze me how up in arms people get about the Ferber Method. Yes, on paper it does appear somewhat cruel, but it's IMPORTANT to teach kids how to put themselves to sleep, not just for the fostering of their own independence, but for the preservation of their parents sanity. When I was younger I HATED seeing little kids with those leashes on them. You put a leash on a dog, not a child. It was only after I gave birth to my own little "bolter" that I realized that maybe I was a little harsh in my judgement of leash wielding parents, and I understood the necessity of such a contraption. I guess my point is that what works for one parent may be objectionable to another, but we should be supporting one another and not judging (unless of course you're beating your child to sleep, in which case you should be de-friended)

Been a while since I had little ones, but I do rec...

2009-08-06T19:22:55.686-07:00

Been a while since I had little ones, but I do recall a number of times when I was out in public with my kid(s) and we were not in the company of my wife, a female observer assumed that I, a father in care of a small child, was incompetent and a danger to the child. They would attempt to correct or instruct me and pointedly ask "where is her mother?" and suchlike.

These were usually older women, but do you suppose this could be a similar mind-set at work?

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just want t...

2009-08-06T15:12:07.586-07:00

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just want to note that the person this rant was about is in fact a mother and I'm sure a good one at that. My issue is merely about being judged for using a different rearing technique. Especially one that is socially acceptable.

And Dana, you are correct, obviously there are some situations where using the Ferber Method doesn't make sense and could in fact be detrimental to a child's well-being. I chose to use it as a last resort, but my child was a good candidate and I have no regrets about doing it.

I agree with eerything you said, my friend (facebo...

2009-08-06T13:45:13.163-07:00

I agree with eerything you said, my friend (facebook and otherwise) except the Ferber has been proven to have no ill effects on children. I would revise that to read "some" children. With my own kids- adopted from an environment where they were almost always locked in a room at night and left alone - ferberizing them in our home would have been very traumatic. The most imprtant thing to them today 4 yrs later is knowing where I am at night and falling asleep with a parent in sight. Whatever it takes. So while I don't agree with ferber for my own family, I do understand how it can be valuable for others. It really depends on how safe the kid feels and the motivation for waking and crying.

You are a great father. The whole thing is disgus...

2009-08-06T11:18:35.496-07:00

You are a great father. The whole thing is disgusting and ignorant and she better hope she never runs across me in a back alley.

Every parent has a right to choose how they rear t...

2009-08-06T10:24:55.487-07:00

Every parent has a right to choose how they rear their child. You picked your pediatrician for a reason and chose to do as suggested by him/her. (and it worked, imagine that !) This person needs to be able to agree to disagree not "unfriend" you because of a legitimate parental descision. Good for you and your wife Rick. The most important thing is that everyone is now sleeping through the night which makes you ALL happier.

Sorry, but whoever "Unfriended" you eith...

2009-08-06T07:49:21.661-07:00

Sorry, but whoever "Unfriended" you either has no children or is a very immature. Or both.

If you were beating your child into sleep submission -- that's one thing. But, the simple fact is the "let them cry it out" method not only works, it's been proven to teach children independence and self reliance at very early ages. And, if done correctly, it also strengthens the bonds between parent and child as it shows the child that, even though you are not in the room with them, you are not going anywhere and they are not alone and it creates a confident bond.

But, I doubt this person bothered to do much research on that before making their irrational decision.

Facebook makes the world smaller and stranger. I d...

2009-08-06T05:29:44.627-07:00

Facebook makes the world smaller and stranger. I don't know you personally, but from this here blog you seem like a pretty good parent. Don't let Facebook drama get you down.